12 Steps to Find Your Joy

THE BOOK, THE POWER OF PRESENCE

A ship doesn’t sink because of water in the ocean.

A ship sinks because it has a large hole in its hull.

Before beginning, check your pulse. You will discover – hopefully – that you are alert, alive, awake and aware whether you know it or not, or want to be or not. Advice: Monitor regularly.

Step 1. Pause, and listen to yourself.

There are two voices in your head, each sharing its point of view. It’s called self-talk. Bluster. Nonsense. Or noise. The loudest one focuses on what is not going as well as you would like in your life, with a list of prime examples. It usually drowns out the other voice lurking in the shadows of your mind that doesn’t necessarily agree.

Step 2. Count your blessings.

You take for granted all that is well in your life and in the world. It’s called tunnel vision. On a regular basis, you should take several sheets of paper and write down all the good things on the front of them and all the not-so-good things on the back. Invariably, you will run out of ink before turning any page over.

Step 3. Work to live, don’t live to work.

You wake up each morning. You go about your day mostly doing and seldom being, being who you really are: kind and caring, compassionate and unsparing. So don’t overlook life while you work each day. Always keep the bigger picture top of mind.

Step 4. Reconnect with what you loved as a child.

As a child, you naturally gravitated towards joy. It may have been riding your bicycle, your mom pushing you on a swing, skipping flat stones across a pond, catching a fish with your dad, eating raw carrots fresh from the garden, roasting marshmallows over a crackling fire, or just watching flowers bloom in the spring.

Step 5. Follow your heart, not your head.

The planet is hurting. Nature is hurting. People are hurting. You are hurting. Yet you are part of a greater whole, and if you focus only on your own self-interest and well-being, the greater whole will suffer. You always help yourself when you also help others.

Step 6. Find meaning in a cause that interests you.

You are curious by nature. You wonder who you are, what you are made of, and what you can accomplish to help humankind. As you watch the world come and go – sometimes gently, other times recklessly – you see what seems to be right and what seems to be wrong with it, wondering if you can help fix what’s wrong.

Step 7. Never compare yourself to others.

Not their physical appearance, mental prowess, social or financial status, or good fortune. When you go to the gym, is your goal to be better than everyone else who is there? If so, I suggest this is misguided effort. Best focus on being better than you were yesterday regarding the various fitness goals you have set for yourself.

Step 8. Practice being mindful every day.

Mindfulness – which involves “slow breathing” – will help you to stop thinking, unwind and relax, and be able to explore a new dimension of consciousness called Presence. Sit with your feet apart, back straight, hands on your thighs, and look straight ahead. Close your eyes and shift your attention to your breathing. Begin to take deep, controlled in-breaths and out-breaths: (a) inhale while counting 1-2-3-4-5-6-7, now hold it for five seconds; next (b) exhale while counting 1-2-3-4-5-6-7, again hold it for five seconds. Repeat these four steps about thirty-five times. If an errant thought shows up – and it always will – just say hello, then a quick goodbye. We know the mind cannot have two thoughts at the same time. Geez, no thoughts! Now you are in no-mind. It’s very much a combination of no-where and now-here, meaning you certainly are not in any one “place” and you certainly are in Now, the present moment. Note that practicing mindfulness – and finding that place of deep peace and calm stillness in you – is much like trying to catch a greased piglet at a county fair. Yes, it’s a challenge! But with practice and patience, it is one that most people can master.

Step 9. Constantly question, critique, and update your core beliefs, values, assumptions, and predispositions.

You need to be calm, quiet, and at peace when assessing your many core beliefs, values, and understandings to see if they make sense in light of new information or when reassessing old information. Otherwise, you may well be digging a rut that is only getting deeper and deeper, hence harder and harder to exit.  

Step 10. Cherish those you love and those who love you.

Intimacy. Kinship. Connection. As a social animal, you thrive on relationships. Family is fundamental in this regard. Engage. Assist. Laugh. Cooperate. Comfort. Celebrate. Be there for others as they are there for you.

Step 11. Dream, dream, then dream some more.

Your ability to imagine is one of your most powerful tools. It can take you to places that you never knew even existed. Used positively and creatively – indeed soulfully – it can portray a world that stirs your mind, excites your heart, and uplifts your spirit.

Step 12. Have faith, hope, and charity.

Life is a struggle. Your ability to strive and thrive will be tested. You will succeed sometimes and fail other times. But with practice and patience, you will get better at being, seeing, and doing. In fact, with perseverance, you can get very good at it.

 “The future belongs to those who believe

in the beauty of their dreams.”

– Eleanor Roosevelt

(1884 – 1962)

Former First Lady, Writer,

Diplomat, and Social Activist

Author, The Moral Basis of Democracy (1940)

Thank you.